Izdihar - Magic Kingdom Escapology

...you really would like to bang some heads together. In one of my weaker moments, I agreed to become a moderator across at The Photo Forum. For the most part, it's simply a case of dealing with a bit of spam, moving a few misplaced threads, helping out with a comp here or there, and just keeping the place tidy. On others days, not sure whether it coincides with the full moon or what, but it's like a war zone; everybody wants a piece of somebody else. Today has been a bit of one of those days. There seems to be a belief on the part of some of our current belligerents that it's perfectly OK to talk to people as if they were something they stood in, or at very best evolved, Darwin like, from a toad, but probably only last week [Slight aside, do toads have opposable thumbs? They'd need them to hold a camera you see]. It baffles me that people slip out of the real world and write in a manner that would probably get them thumped by someone of a sensitive disposition if they said it to their face. Is there no civility in this world? I'm perfectly capable of constructing a very pointed phrase or two, and often do in daily business life, but I can't ever recall committing anything to print where I've described my co-respondent an idiot [mild I can assure you], a dungball or something rather worse. All this seems fair game when you're the safe side of a flat panel monitor. Still, the world continues to turn and I like to think that karma will take care of those who need it - karma in this case controls the big bad 'banning' button...

I get the urge to turn out some real crap with the camera. Case in point...

If you're watching (the stats say you are), you'll have to excuse my temporary absence in these parts. Since last Tuesday (not yesterday) I've had a bit of a pig of a cold. Nothing to actually stop me using the PC, but certainly enough to put me that way out and (more so than usual) rather non-communicative. I've variously coughed, sneezed, sweated & shivered over the course of the week, but still it's not entirely gone away. I cannot recall in recent times when I have been capable of producing so much top quality mucus from such a small selection of orifii, not only that but it was the colour of a legal pad. Now that in itself wouldn't be itself, but on a couple of occasions the subject matter was so voluminous that a careless blow resulted in my chest being slimed a la 'Ghostbusters'. If it wasn't so hilariously funny I'd have been quite disgusted with myself - but it was funny. I think things are improving as I said, so I'm hoping that the strange things in the neighbourhood have been restrained.

I have come across dialogue between Man City and AC Milan superstar Kaka. Unfortunately I only have the script from the City end but I think it is clear for all as to the total content:

"Hello, is that Kaka? How do you fancy becoming the supply line to Craig Bellamy and Darius Vassell this winter?

"No, your fellow countryman doesn’t like the cold and will be out until mid April - but you will play alongside Stephen Ireland"

"No, Kaka, Ireland is a person not a country"

"yes, I fully appreciate that he is not Ronaldinho, Pirlo or even Beckham but many fans have him in their fantasy football"

"I know you are currently the richest man in Italy but we can double it!"

"erm, well, we have had a bit of a slide recently and we are currently 15th"

"erm, out of 20...... but Mark Hughes once won the double for our neighbours"

"Hughes"

"Ex Blackburn boss"

"Blackburn, Blackburn Rovers"

"No, Blackburn......Black.....Burn"

"HUGHES man, HUGHES!!!"

"He once scored a good goal against Spain"

"No, thats Gerry Armstrong..... anyway, are you coming or not?"

"Usually about two thirds full but if we play a big team its really rocks"

"yes I know, but we dont even have a car park cos all the fans walk to the ground they are so local"

"Relevance? well, I suppose its all they have to brag about whether its true or not"

"Only the one to be fair but its called 'blue moon' you will love it"

"Blue"

"yes, definitely blue, always has been"

"No, no, no, they are in Trafford"

"yes they are, steeped in it in fact but what good is history to you my ambitious friend?"

"erm, 1976 I think"

"it was the er, the er League cup if memory serves me right"

"Well, the plan was to get in the top 4 this season and then....."

"yes, I realise that but....."

"Aston Villa? Whats it got to do with them?"

"Yes, I know but we have been down this history route already"

"How the heck does a Brazilian playing in Italy know about Nottingham Forest?"

"Yes, yes, and Leeds United also made a final but you are missing my point, this is all about the future"

"Give me strength......HUGHES!!!!"

"yes I know he did and he was a legend there but he is a changed man"

"forget them, they are falling apart"

"But all those trophies were won last year! They have won nothing in 2009"

"I have told you.... 1976!!!!"

"How the heck does a Brazilian playing in Italy know that Virginia Wade has won Wimbledon since then?"

"Yes she probably is in her 60's"

"I dont know, probably about 10 league titles, 2 european cups and countless domestic cups what has that got to do with it?"

"76,000 why?"

"yes, every game, even minor cups I suppose, but where is this getting us?"

"Yes, the league cup is considered a minor cup over here why?"

"I know, I know, I know, ok perhaps they won the FA Cup in 1970 or something does it really matter?"

"look, Kaka, we will treble whatever you are on now, buy you a mansion in Alderley Edge and give you a helicopter for your front lawn....are you joining us?"

"NO!, its owned by the council - what has the ground got to do with anything"

"well, officially its the city of manchester stadium but most people call it Eastlands"

"EAST!, not Waste"

"You will be adored there"

"No, not there, here I meant"

"No, thats Old Trafford, I meant adored here at Waste....erm, Eastlands"

"Anderson??? what does he know?"

"Ok I hear what you say, but other than Pride, Ambition, Achievement, History, Passion and a large car park - what can they offer you?"

"what do you mean no credit left in your phone.....I phoned you"

"Hello, Mr Kaka,...... Mr Kaka are you there?............................YOU RED B*ST*RD!!!!!"

I shall spare her blushes and not mention which birthday it is, but she seems very pleased with the Sony-Ericsson G700 she found in her present this morning. Since then, an 8Mb M2 card has been added to it so she should be able to take a fair selection of music with her to work, assuming of course she remembers to put the earphones in her bag.

We're off out to DUO in town very shortly, apparently it serves a menu comprising a mix of French and Italian dishes. From what we've heard so far, it's supposed to be a very nice restaurant, we'll see shortly I guess.

For me, well the cold is still making itself known, hope it sorts itself out shortly, as I'm playing in a golf comp that starts at 08:00 tomorrow and I have a 05:30 start to ensure I'm there in time - my turn to drive. The bad part of this is that the forecast temperature overnight is -2C - this is the Middle East I'm in isn't it?

...so here's something colourful for you: